EWolfe Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Thanks to an idea by Texplorer, Mike Layton, Thadsboner, and I came up with a veritable new language of climbing. Excellent for discreet conversations! Climb (v): Have Sex Climb (n): member of opposite sex Traditional: The One you could see yourself getting old with, having a family, etc. Sport: One night, one week, one month stand. Playin’ around, getting good. Mixed: Not quite sure yet which way... Grading: Anything under 5.0 is too easy or unappealing. 5.1 through 5.6 generally requires aid 5.7: marginally attractive, amazing feature 5.8: homely 5.9: average looks 5.10: good looking 5.11: hot and good looking 5.12: turn-your-head WOW! 5.13: the one someone else always gets. 5.14: the 5.13 that climbs hard 5.15: The 5.14 that is wealthy, a virgin contortionist and massage therapist. Aid: Alcohol, whatever, that makes it go better. A1 is a beer, A6 is blotto. Aid Fall: Whiskeydick First Free Ascent: Without aid. First Ascent: Virgin R: There’s definitely some psycho elements X: They may get you into serious shit. Eurogrades: Foreign chicks, guys Bolt Chopper: Cock-blocker Discreet Tension: Cheating behind the spouse’s back Onsight: That moment where you make it happen with the perfect one. Direct Variation: Anal Sex Chipping/Glueing: Homoeroticism Alpine: Blue Balls, weeks of wooing/spending for a peck on the cheek. Lead Fall, and ripped gear may be involved. Difficult descent, leave gear, gets ugly. Clean Ascent: Condomless Bouldering: Making Out, coppin’ feels Grade 1: A quickie ... ... Grade 6: Tantric Sex: Cobra In The Red Cave, etc Extensions: Children Link-ups: 2pitch = twosome, 3pitch = 3some, etc Free solo: masturbation Gym Climbing: toys for sex Toproping: teasing Campusing: Coppin’ feels Flappers, Gobis: VD Seconding The Pitch: Sloppy seconds Classics: Older Men, Women Finger Crack to Offwidth: A reference to the fairer sex, mono being smallest... ChickenHeads: Reference to male member Slab Climbing: Flat-chested Jug Haul: Well endowed Lead Fall: Getting dumped Pulled Gear: Belongings thrown out on the lawn Backing Off a Lead: Deciding it’s not worth it (psycho, wrong sex). Spraying about climbs well above your climbing level: Impotence Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klenke Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 To go with First Ascent: First Winter Ascent: Ice Cold Virgin ("Frigid")? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cancxr Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 On Rappel: Where's my undies and keys Off Rappel: I'm outtie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cancxr Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Wait, wtf, I thought I was in spray.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klenke Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Yeah, this needs to be in Spray. Come on, E, you know better than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billygoat Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 fucking hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 This system works! We were able to rate and discuss every aspect of the chicks we saw right in front of them w/o them being the wiser. MrE forgot to add the TRADE ROUTE - a girl that everyone in town has fucked, but she's pretty good looking and is always an option. The village bicycle. and the MANTLE-doing it doggy style. Example, "Dude that climb over there. It's like 5.4 Shit, i think it'd have to involve some SERIOUS aid. My buddy, the psycho, did the FFA of that climb! Can you believe he freed that pitch? WTF?" -See that ugly girl? My friend fucked her w/o being drunk! Another Example, "My goal in life is to onsight a 5.12 on it's first ascent" -I'd like to bang a super hot virgin Another, "I toproped the climb until it hurt and had to stop" -All she wanted to do was neck and I got blue balls so I left. Another, "The descent on my alpine climb was heinous. I had to rap off some sketchy shit and left like 1/2 my rack. It took longer to descend than to climb the damn thing!" -I divorced my wife and she kept the house. "And I had to relead a pitch when my ropes got stuck!" -I dumped my girlfriend had to go back to her place to get my CDs back. "I fell of the crux and pulled my cam. I got some serious goobies from that." -My girl dumped my ass and threw my shit out the windon and onto the lawn. I later tested positive for genital warts. "My girlfriend and I climbed a grade VI yesterday!" -I had sex for 24 hours using the teachings of tantric sex and the kama sutra. "That climb looks like a 5.9+ The crack goes from fingers to hands to fists to O.W. to chimney! Theres a pretty nasty slab on top though. I'd like to do the direct variation, possibly an extension." -That girls pretty darn cute. Once I warm her up I can applaud in there. She's got pretty small tits though. I'd like to do her in the butt, and maybe get her pregnant. "I'd do that climb clean" -That chick over there....I wouldn't need a condom for dat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Whipper: sadomasochism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 (edited) Tell me what is a "stick clip"? Okay, I got it. A chick who is way taller than you. Edited March 9, 2004 by catbirdseat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thinker Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 it's a nice climb with a long fun approach. all things being equal, I'd probably not choose to take the time to do the approach again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I've only climbed aid now that I think about it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Anyone willing to tackle the terms: "thin fingers" and "offwidth"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 see my 1st response under "examples" we've pretty much covered it, cept for ice climbing which we decided doesn't relate to sex in any way shape or form. maybe having sex w/death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snugtop Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 -That girls pretty darn cute. Once I warm her up I can applaud in there. She's got pretty small tits though. I'd like to do her in the butt, and maybe get her pregnant. "I'd do that climb clean" -That chick over there....I wouldn't need a condom for dat. And anyone even questioned why we need a women's forum on this site??? Uggh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snugtop Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 A thoughtful way to observe Women's Day, I might add. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary_Yngve Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I can't believe there's no mention of bushwhacking... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 Yeah, this needs to be in Spray. Come on, E, you know better than that. This IS a climbing topic! Who's got a trip report? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cancxr Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 The Becky route- missionary .... hard and fast. This is big fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Where is lummox? He should be loving this. Don't tell me he got banned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg_W Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Cool, at least I can say I climb a Grade V 5.11d R without aid somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thadsboner Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Trip Report F.A. Sarah ******, 5.9+ R Years and years ago I was projecting this little 5.9+ grade II climb up in Alaska. It looked easy for the taking but it turned out not so. I was thinking that it was going to be some little sport climb then I would move on to the next. Turns out this climb was not like the all the others, it ended up bieng a grade VI wall. It was defiantly a FA, because I had to clean it up a bit and there was a fair bit of loose stuff going on up high. When I first got on it, it had quite the boulder start; I couldn’t seem to get past that slab section. So I would go off to other climbs to free solo to burn off some steam and calm down. When I started working the problem harder it opened up and showed me some moves such as a slammer finger jam and even some good jugs up higher. Even messed around with a direct variation, but that didn’t go as planned.. And eventually after a fair bit of top roping I sent it. Since that day I have installed anchors up on it (nipple rings) have even tried to ad link-ups to it. I know there is a link up that will happen in time but just not now. Unfortunately the climb has gotten populated since I got that first ascent, even went clean for years but after years of being used, I would probably resort to aid for protection if I were you. Have fun on the climb, it is a wild ride. The wipers aren’t too bad either. Gear is a rack of nuts and big bros to 9 inches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texplorer Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 When you see a fine looking line just remember: WWBD (What Would Beckey Do) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg_W Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 When you see a fine looking line just remember: WWBD (What Would Beckey Do) He'd hit that, bro. THat'd make a good helmet sticker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billygoat Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Obvious descent gulley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Pretty sure any female lurkers on this site that were thinking of posting are long gone now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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