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LOTR return of the king


Dru

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Things to do while watching LOTR*

*(Return of the King)

 

Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"

 

Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

 

After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."

 

At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen.

 

After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.

 

Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring." Point and laugh whenever someone dies.

 

Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

 

Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."

 

When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"

 

At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians. -Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

 

When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.

 

Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms

Deep" Monty Python style. -When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

 

Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins.

 

In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

 

Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.

 

During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

 

Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie. -Start an Orc sing-a-long.

 

Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

 

Remove the top off your drink, then proceed to light the straw on fire and tell people in the seats around you about a great battle that took place in your cup long ago.

 

When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!" -Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like. -Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.

 

Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

 

When Sam holds Frodo's hand (or otherwise), start singing, "The Ambiguously Gay Duo!"

 

When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"

 

(If this has been posted before, call my attorney.)

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2 hours of watching wussified Hobbins from Dorkshire cry over every god damn thing... "Oh, my little bitch Mary... you're alive!"... followed by a hobbin lovefest in bed and more cry.gifcry.gif .

 

The other 1 1/2 hours of mayhem,death and destruction was fun though...

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Those little frickin' hobbins would make a great new cast for that show "Queer eye for the Straight Guy".... fruit.giffruit.giffruit.giffruit.gifcry.gifcry.gifcry.gifsnaf.gifHCL.gif

 

A clip from the hobbin lovefest: yellowsleep.gifmoon.gifsmileysex5.gifcry.gif

Please spare me the grief. rolleyes.gifevils3d.gif

You may not enjoy the fuzzy footed friends of the fields, but the hottie pointy earred elvin kind is most likely something you'd take on yellaf.gif

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No Saruman! No "Scouring of the Shire" mad.gifthumbs_down.gifthumbs_down.gifGeek_em8.gif

I really liked all the previous showings, but I have to agree with Dru on this I was thoroughly disappointed with the ending. By the way has anyone seen the 2nd DVD extended version? I really like the alternate ending they have on the disc.

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I just witnessed all the crying and winning on the big screen last night. grin.gif (I like butter on my popcorn cantfocus.gif)

I really enjoyed reading the books, but the screen play made those 'hobbins' look like pansies.

I may have been tainted with your opinion before watching, but I was very sick of the tears by the end of the THREE hour movie. confused.gif The effects were awsome, costumes beautiful, music was moving, but that damn Smeagle grossed me out. wave.gif

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