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Big Lou Not Seen in Leavenworth


pope

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Maybe it’s only March, but when Pope and Dwayner do Leavenworth, it begins to look like the Summer of Love all over again. As we parked my rig in the pullout below Castle Rock, Dwayner reached into his pack and produced the craziest shirt I’ve ever seen. It had a collar larger than the one on my pile jacket, and its fabric had been printed with a nude hippie girl pattern. Due to its weave, it had the look of 100% polyester but was actually made of cotton. “Here, put this on. We’s gonna meet some stinky hippie girls,” said Dwayner.

As I belayed Dwayner up the first pitch of Canary, I heard what sounded like the hypnotic chanting of head-shaved comet cultists, together with the unmistakable jingle-jangle of somebody keeping rhythm on a tambourine. From my position on the ledge, I couldn’t see the source of this cacophony, but as I reeled in the rope, the noise seemed to grow nearer. Could it be that Dwayner had already lured the veggie eating, crunchy little vixens he’d promised we would meet? No such luck. As Dwayner pulled through the strenuous mantle onto Saber ledge, I noticed he had clipped to his rack a child’s tambourine, decorated with feathers and beads, and inscribed with 1960’s nonsense such as “Flower Power” and "Peace Child". The chanting? That was Dwayner mumbling, “Vishnu, Vishnu, Vishnu weesh you?”

Not only did we not meet the hippie girls Dwayner had promised, we only encountered three other parties climbing in Leavenworth (two parties at Castle, one on Givler’s Crack), on a spectacular, sunny weekend that saw Dwayner stripping down to a Speedo and a fleece vest. Imagine climbing in short sleeves with no waiting to get on such classics as Saber, Canary, Midway and (at Givler’s Dome) Timson’s Face. However, we did see no fewer than eight school-bus loads of Mounties at Bruce’s Boulder.

Memorable quotes from a spectacular Saturday in Leavenworth:

“We wouldn’t even need an Access Fund if climbers would just behave themselves and stop bolting/littering.” --Dwayner

“Many of the ‘trad’ climbs weren’t as trad people think they were.” –One of the DDD bolters.

“Is that really a drink?” –Barkeep at Duck Boys, in response to Pope ordering a “Harry, Jack and Danny”.

“My buddy here could show you a dumpster where a guy got a hummer.” –Pope, explaining to the barkeep what would be included in Dwayner’s nightlife tour of Leavenworth.

“The gal in the dumpster kind of looked like you wearing a wig.” –Dwayner, flirting with the bar keep.

“Hey, you’ve got great foot-work.” –Horny little boulder hopper trying to hit on a friend’s daughter.

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