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Stonehead

Everything a wannbe villain requires...

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I was chastised for a humorous post yesterday poking fun at someone. Ouch!

As a result I have found the perfect website for plotting my revenge.

the_finger.gif

 

Villian Supply.com

 

Following are some selected items that are available for purchase--

 

gun7.gif THE WORLD'S SMALLEST HANDGUN

 

"Looking for a tiny yet lethal handgun that can be hidden anywhere, is invisible to metal detectors, and won't put a dent in your pocketbook? Then look no further. The League of Sub-Atomic Supervillains is now making available, in limited quantities, the 10 Micron Handgun. This miniaturized masterpiece is just as lethal as the regular-sized variety. Never get caught without a weapon again!*"

 

trap11.jpg REALDOLL™ DEATH TRAP

 

"Sick of hiring femmes fatale to lure an unsuspecting hero to their death, only to have the girl pull a "Pussy Galore" and sell you out to The Man? Have you been disappointed with FemBots, which are difficult to maintain (and also tend to turn on you)? VillainSupply Special Projects Division has found the solution.

 

Working with the fine folks at www.realdoll.com, we've developed the RealDoll™ Death Trap. Your custom designed RealDoll™ lolls about suggestively on satin sheets, waiting for the "hero" to "bring her over." But when he does, the RealDoll™ emits poison gas, fires short-range concussive flechettes, and automatically embraces the hero in an unbreakable strangle hold. And we can't even mention on a public web site what we've done with her vagina -- you have to see it to believe it. Let's just say your heroic victim won't be fathering any little heroes.

 

Available in a wide range of body styles and skin tones. Each Doll of Death is constructed to your personal specifications. And yes, the deadly features can be deactivated if you want to have a little fun on your own, you sick bastard."

 

 

 

doomsday_kabangers.gif PLANET KABANGERS

"What you get: 200 million miles of carbon nanotube fiber, the strongest known "rope" in the Universe.

 

What you do: connect one end of the fiber to the Earth, and the other end to another planet, such as Mars.

 

What you do next: wait for the fiber to "catch" against the sun, slamming the two planets into each other.

 

Last step: laugh maniacally."

 

 

 

SOMETHING FOR EVERY VILLAIN, TAKE A LOOK!

gear10.gif THE ORIGINAL ASSASSIN'S BOWLER HAT

 

 

 

 

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Pretty funny website, nonanon.

 

I especially like the last career choice in Section IV "Careers for Evil Doers": The Spammer. Yep, these guys are so despicable not even the evil people like them.

 

"Warning: This is without a doubt the most depraved, foul, insidious and malevolent of all possible evil professions. If you choose this job you will be hated by good and evil-doers alike, becoming the lowest of all possible lows, with vigilantes hunting you and entire religions springing up devoted to your destruction. And not without good reason.

 

You will need: 'Special $200 CD with email addresses lifted from USENET! All completely legal! Really!'

 

Also required: Overall worthlessness, wretched stench, complete and utter lameness, heart of darkness, unending depravity, lack of a soul, I.Q. the equivalent of pond scum, and the charm of a three-day-dead rat left festering in the sun that even the maggots won't touch because it's so goddamn ugly and repulsive.

 

We won't actually go into the details of this job as it's far too disgusting, even for us. Nevertheless, as a spammer you will now honestly be able to say your downfall from humanity is complete, that your eternal damnation is assured and that none exist who can surpass you in vileness.

 

Now get away from me."

 

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No, Nonanon/Klenke. Your site is a pseudo-evil site.

 

VillainsSupply.com is the truly EVIL site. Where else can you obtain these?

superpowers_brain.gif BRAIN PILLS

 

The world's greatest supervillains aren't the ones with flashy superpowers or cool toys. They're the ones with superhuman intellects. Genius was a feature dependent on the vagaries of genetics, until now.

 

Mengele Medical presents the IQ300 Pharmaceutical Intelligence Enhancer, a regimen of oral supplements containing ginkgo biloba, fish extract, strontium-90, and other active ingredients. The IQ300 regiment is guaranteed to increase your I.Q. by 300 points, or your money back!*

 

 

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