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Who is the Messiah of NW climbing?


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What? A trad Climbin' Messiah?

 

Listen, you old-school trads are obviously the Jews of the climbing world, with Dwayner, Pope, et al as the Pharisees. They laid the groundwork and they stick to their legalistic interpretation of climbing, but they're never gonna change.

 

See, according to the prophet Yaniro (one of the first to Train, and one of the first to trade his heathen rack for humble quickdraws and plastic) the Climbin' Messiah is gonna come down preaching hellFires and limestone, and is going to show you the clip-up to heaven, and also how using the DBBB to tie in is the right thing to do after all.

 

But of course when Jingus I'llstickclipit (who never could quite grasp the importance of a good cardio foundation for those hard sends, and was always more interested in posing down and spraying than really working the Messiah's projects) sells out the Climbin' Messiah, Pontius Pope will be all too happy to have Him bolted to the Churning Buttress in his last Rose move (or so we think).

 

But even after his triumphant resurrection from his three-day burial at Easy's Playhouse, his subsequent onsight of the entire Aggro Wall, his miraculous invention of the wiregate biner, and finally his bold new fully-bolted sport route up El Cap (all foretold in the book of Watts), the Trads still won't believe it.

 

DFA's been tryin' to help y'all out all along, but no one wants to listen. Better repent before you gets turned into a pillar of chalk!

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Don't be fooled by Dr. Koresh Amazing's words. What has happened is that our temples have been defiled with bolts and striped lycra. The major trends have strayed from the true path. It is time for a reformation, friends, back to the true values of our religion and not what the lycraheads have led you to believe.

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i think what others have done is cool, but in no way would i celebrate their actions. seems silly to celebrate false icons....doesnt it?

 

i mean climbing is many things to many people, so how could you attempt to label one person as the defining pnw climber? you cant.

 

this is a silly topic and any attempt to turn climbing into a religious or organized system of beliefs or actions is even more dumb.

 

 

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erik said:

i think what others have done is cool, but in no way would i celebrate their actions. seems silly to celebrate false icons....doesnt it?

 

i mean climbing is many things to many people, so how could you attempt to label one person as the defining pnw climber? you cant.

 

this is a silly topic and any attempt to turn climbing into a religious or organized system of beliefs or actions is even more dumb.

 

 

that's why it's in 'spray', my idealistic young laddie...

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After work today I'm heading to my latest secret crag, which I've now dubbed the "Porcelain Messiah Wall" to finish setting my new routes, which I'm thinking of naming:

 

Left Side::

1. Beckey's Gotta Bible (first trad line)

2. But He Ain't No Messiah (obvious crack directly right of "Beckey's Gotta Bible")

3. Cup-Check The Messiah (first 'hard' trad line)

 

Right side::

1. Heathen Rack Trade-In (my first sport line)

2. Defiled With Bolts (2nd sport line)

3. Humbled Quickdraws (my first "hard" sport line)

 

Futon Boulder (obvious large rock between L & R) problems::

1. Squamish Teenagers Need A Messiah

2. Sportos & Prostitutes

3. Trads & Pharisees

 

woof-

--cd.

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