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[TR] las rojas rocas - spring break 2018 04/01/2018

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Trip: las rojas rocas - spring break 2018

Trip Date: 04/01/2018

Trip Report:

red rocks - spring break 2018, the goat-fucking world’s whirled round once more about the fiery orb, and not w/ my permission goddammit - geoff, beacon-ben n’ i bend our way to that hate-gem of the wicked west, gaudy n’ guilt-less las vegas, nevada

in the simplest terms, we learned just these 4 things:

  1. you don’t kiss the cactus

  2. you don’t molest the manzanita

  3. you don’t hump the holly

  4. and you sure as shit don’t fucka w/ the yucca

overview n’ time-obfuscated observations, augmented with vicious prevarications as well :

day 1 - 1st creek canyon - romper room - the crew still rude w/ jet lag after a 2 a.m. arrival - we scud across sun-soaked desert floors, our feet not yet scoured and stone-sad as they would be soon enough - easy ambulations in the shade - the rim-rock climbing club of the world made good companions - pbr n’ prognostications - my cousin-edgar voice nearly pulls down the place, convincing the tourists i’m some half-retarded canadian (or is that just regular canadian?) - puttering around the west end of whorish vegas for the what-have-you’s before retiring to the casita to hot tub n’ tap into the trailer park boys, which we binged n’ purged on for days thereafter





day 2 - juniper creek - jackrabbit buttress - myster Z - we had grand dreams of continuing up this to include armitron too - up at 5 n’ to the base early enough, but somehow we fucked up the human element n’ after all we were up top too late n’ too whupped it felt to continue - can’t recall a detail of the route now it seems, but it was fun i figure - in the steep, slide-fuck basin below the black dagger we somehow felt we could stash our shit n’ return the next day to climb the brownstone wall and for our hubris we got fucking humiliated - mostly i just ‘member geoff blowing out the seat of his pants n’, commando-style as he was, having to avert mis ojos all goddamn day

day 3 - juniper creek redux - holy shit we got skunked - a later rising than the day before, somehow it felt reasonable, work-wrecked as we already were - rueful decision to park at the oak creek lot, somehow convinced this would shorten the way - we sweated n’ scrambled n’ after more pain that i wish to recall, reclaimed our packs in the brownstone basin n’ plodded to the base of the black dagger - the sun scorched us though, and broken like little bitches we retreated to the shade to rue the day and deliberate - after some serious fun n’ games we threw it in the trash n’ sauntered down, whupped n’ woebegone - insult added to injury after we got cluster-fucked in the spaghetti-bowl of bullshit trails in the lower wash and ended up on a beautiful path that took as all the way to mt wilson it seemed before bearing back to the car -i began to totter through “the gunslinger” this evening - its possible i’ve forgotten the face of my father...


day 4 - willow creek - ragged edges - a decent sleep in - geoff in the scorching sun in the hot tub upon my wake up - some beers n’ butts as we wait for the ben-one to get ready - fine sub sandwiches served by folks whose native tongue i’ve grown a bit rusty in comprehending - out to the afghani-death-loop, geoff driving like its daytona - ben w/ a bullshit plan to meet his cousin that crapped out as expected - he booms outta the car, bent as a buffoon to clamber onto the ragged edges - later he realizes what i meant about it being a taint-tingler n’ wishes i’d not put it in such tetchy terms - we climb a couple other easy one pitchers n’ retire to ben’s aunt’s, than back to binge on the tales of the true shit-birds of nova scotia - early to bed w/ a plan for a big day on dark shadows

day 5 - mescalito - up in the darkness to coffee n’ crawl out to the wastelands - school-mates in the parking lot - turns out it IS a fucking small world after all - we get the rare treat of dark shadows all to ourselves - over the day we slink ever higher, swapping leads here n’ there but letting ben get most of the business - we savor the shade as the bright beams of the hateful helios shine away on the far wall - the top not far shy of sunset, we manage to find cairns n’ start the south side descent into pine creek before it gets totally dim - a few crazy waylaid cairns aside, we find the nice shiny bolted raps in the dark n’ stumble-fuck something serious out of the canyon, parting ways w/ ben at the mouth as he’d insisted on leaving shit at the base - for near 2 hrs geoff n’ i shiver n’ puff-puff n’ palaver over beers in the frigid night air at the car while waiting for the night owl to crawl out, confused as hell - from there it was straight to the in’n’out burger n’ the what-have-you (geoff gets his 1st introduction to animal style fries), then home to get good n’ drunk in anticipation of doing fuck-all the day after

day 6 - rest day - a lovely sleep in n’ hot-tub sesh until well after noon - we fritter away the day not caring one bit about the wicked world at all - before too late ben gets scooped up by his buddy brian, bound for epinephrine the next day - we banter a bit, swapping stories about our savant, then sign the release forms n’ relinquish custody of the curious kid - shit, kinda felt like a true tour-on vacay this day


day 7 - 1st creek slabs - lucky lady - remembering the good shade we’d gotten our first day in the 1st creek, we returned to the scene of the crime - took a while to find the right start, but a friendly dog and a dozen climbers on the sunset slab eventually made it easier to get our bearings - lucky lady was fun-fun, and would be a great free solo if it weren’t for the descent - pretty much just long rambling pitches of low-angle, bucket-infested slabs - we simul-climbed the 1st and last 2 pitches into one - the last 50 feet are the best - ended up caboosing 2 beautiful ladies who merged with us from the sunset slab at the top and thoroughly enjoyed our communal descent, merging our ropes for the final rappel to the ground (just a single 70 means having to do some funky stuff along the way) - caterwauled classic tunes much of the backend of the day - ben eventually stumbled back into our lives from the darkness, done near to death by epinephrine and way too whupped to get up w/ us for our final climb the next day



day 8 - angel food wall - purblind pillar - a beer for breakfast, maybe 2, then away we went, a big wind and bigger heat predicted for the day - cocked-up the approach somehow n’ thrashed through cactus n’ yucca n’ big boulders as a result - a trio above us to make the start of the route obvious at least - great route, better than tunnel vision or group therapy i thought - i whimpered while leading the 2nd pitch but i reckon it wasn’t that bad from the comfort of my keyboard now - certainly it was short - geoff had a similar reaction on pitch 5 - still, it was mostly giggles n’ scene-sipping n’ shade loving, with a nice walk off at the end - we bid farewell to the desert for another year and returned to the casita to clean up and clear out the remnants of the booze - ben played some tunes on the guitar n’ i growled out my favorites - as we had to be at the airport at 4 a.m., geoff talked me into a lunatic plan to prowl the strip past midnight until our time arrived and that’s what happened, though i spent the next 3 days trying to make up for the lost time and questioning the call…


dayz later, my lips n’ fingertips peeling, the dregs of desert dreams dispersed by sheets of rain here upon my native heath, i close my eyes and contemplate next year in zion :)


Gear Notes:
whatever the hell a red rocks "single rack to 6 inches" is

Approach Notes:
mescaline, desert at dawn, wander through the cactus until you achieve Total Consciousness

Edited by ivan
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Tried to epic on dark shadows full but settled for minor epic.  15 plus hours, depending on who you ask, car to car. 


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