Dr_Flash_Amazing

Your feeble attempts at tarnishing the Rep have failed, bird-boy, exposing the fact that you fail to measure up to the DFA Jones yardstick. Put that in your millet pipe & smoke it! BOO-YAH!

Ephedra is a modern convenience; a cheap shortcut to enhanced performance. Thus, it is banished to the Gym Jones porch, where it will wither and die in the eternal cold & darkness. Deeper dips or die!

Nice to see you, Mr. Busyshowgoer! Glad your finger's better, though, that s. Add to your social calendar: Hell's Belles (with new frontwoman...we'll see, but must try at least) with PDX lounge-punk favorites Storm Large & the Balls. Doug Fir, Fri. Feb 24th, 9 p.m., tix via the evil Ticketswest.

Witness tha whiteness! Pasty gymtrolls reprezent, y'all! Uh! Squat-to-the-dip-to-the-burpee-to-the-push-pull-crunch...one time, uh...a two times...uh, uh, and you don't stop...

Isn't that one of those slimy, many-tentacled marine invertebrates that Dru is always on about?

Fred Nicole is three times the size of Dave Graham. Dave should be worried about being smooshed by such a large, mean-looking--what is Fred, a Frenchman? Whatever, he's a massive, burly ogre! Lookout, Davey!

You kick like a little bitch.

"That's our yardstick. How long's yours?"

You must wait on the cold, dark porch another day, Grasshopper. Remember that sufferingness is next to Twightliness.

Witness the necessary fitness.

"Who's" is a contraction of "who" and "is." Watch this: Who is going to spray all weekend instead of climbing? *SHAZAM!* Who's going to spray all weekend instead of climbing? Did you see it? Did you see it?!

Funny how they apparently have no concept of the Faust story. "It has Satan in it! It must be eeeeeeevil! Cover eyes and ears and hope it goes away, cover eyes and ears and hope it goes away..."

Canada--what's the big deal, eh?

Your technique is sloppy, clearly reflecting deep character flaws. Post 20 new topics to Spray, then come back and beg for forgiveness. If you fail, we will ban you from Post Jones for all of freezing, lonely eternity!

The victim:

Neither, sadly, can you make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Apt distillation.

which are of course way more impressive in their combined 200 ft than say any of the summits in the Fitz Roy group. Applesauce, meet orange juice.

Well, at least they don't have an overinflated sense of self-importance. What a bunch of juvenile, dick-measuring wankery.

Feed it to the trees!

That's because Satan works at the IRS Sorry; new scholarship on the subject suggests that the famed Number o' the Beast is actually 616.

"Well, I'd recommend a plump intern and a good cigar, son."

Is this more sad, comical, or infuriating?

On to North Korea.

Thick with Mark Twight's immeasurably enormous ego is more like it. "I do my pushups 3/32 of an inch closer to the floor than you! Worship at my stinky feet while I demonstrate my flawless squat technique, you flabby peasants!"