Dwayner

All you Hai-Ku-Dudes! YOU ROCK!!!! Excellent contributions to the new wave of mountaineering expressionistic literature. Totally beats that Mark Twight self-loathing, Angst und Schmerz, agony and insecurity crap! You all have inspired me to be more like Big Lou. And who knows, maybe after a few pitchers tonight, I'll be spewing out a few haikus myself. And after a few more, I'll be thinkin' I'm Big Lou. Yodelayeeooo! - Dwayner

Brother Special-ED: Trust me. Mighty Paul Boving died on THIN FINGERS at INDEX. I was around and climbing at that time and everybody was bummed. He was a good guy, a funny guy, and he didn't have his head lodged up his bum (not until he hit the ledge, at least). Anybody over 30 knows the Paul Boving story. It must have been around 1978 or so. Raise a pint to Mighty Paul Zipped his pro and took a fall. Few like him since, sorry to say. -Dwayner

Iambone: So you want to join the ranks of the Trad Kings do you? There's two ways to go: You can either forget everything you know (all the back-steppin', rap-bolting, Gaston's, hold-doctoring, etc.) and start over; or, we can try to find a professional deprogrammer or some aversion therapy. Something that will make you puke everytime you think of the words "Little Si" or "Exit 38". Unfortunately it will take you a few years to be a Trad Master, unlike the half-hour it takes to master all the skills needed to sport climb. Yes, there are some rules and here are a few: No indiscriminate bolting. No rap bolting. Place your own gear from the bottom up; no pre-placed gear unless it is fixed. No repetitive rehersals which is an indication the route is way too hard for you. Aid is OK as long as you're careful and, you acknowledge that it is not free-climbing. (Hanging on a rope, shaking out arms in between bolts might be considered aid.) We don't have any secret handshakes or signals (you seem disturbingly familiar with gang terminology) but if we do, we couldn't tell you anyway. And there are no "tags", although sport climbers have plenty: THEY'RE CALLED BOLTS!!!! RE: Thin Fingers: an admirable goal, young man, and do wear a helmet. Perhaps you heard the story of the late great Paul Boving. He was one of the BEST rock climbers in the country in the late 1970's and certainly the best in the Pacific Northwest. Boving died on the route. I think he zipped his pro and hit the ledge below the crack, smacking his noggin hard! True! (Index be a good place to wear a helmet; from rock fall to tumbling gumby-gear). Iambone. Come here. I've got a hanky in my pocket....Don't worry, it's clean. Now listen to me. Yes, we all love you here in the Cascades, even if you're from Montana (where in my opinion, at least, the sheep are cuter than even in Wyoming!). You can climb here, and no one is gonna stop you unless you do something really bad or endanger us. We do, apparently come from oppossing and often competing philosophies, and in this big brutal diverse democratic world, that's something you're just going to have to deal with. (By the way, living with diversity doesn't mean ACCEPTING as legitimate or ENDORSING any old crap that comes your way (e.g. sport climbing), but it usually means tolerating it until it steps on our toes (which the bolts are starting to), or the laws are changed (restricting bolting, perhaps? Ahhhhhh!!!! I can see the future!!!!). In the meantime, me and some of the other "Trad Kings" will do our best to reform your miserable draw-clippin' soul until you're ready to become one of us. Until that happens, we'll just have to bitch back and forth, preferably over some ice-cold beers. What? It's almost 11:30? Damn! I didn't even finish my breakfast sixer of Mickey's! See what you sport climbers made me do! (By the way, not all trad climbers are pot-heads. I prefer allllllllllllllccccccccccccooooooooo-hol myself. "Hugs!" - Dwayner P.S. Brother Cave-Dude! Don't call me a bozo! What's with that? Jus trying to help you and your pals have a good time! Peace, m'friend! [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 05-30-2001).]

Shucks! Some of us, well, how should I say this....we've been a little harsh on you gri-gri squeezin' gym rats and your related brethren, the "draw"-clipping sport-climbers and sketch-pad tumblin' boulder aficionados. And you know...(this is kind of hard...humbling myself and all)...uh...I'm really quite envious of all the fun yer havin' and so forth and although I'm not very good at apologies, I'd rather let actions demonstrate my feelings rather than mere words. (No, it ain't a scholarship to send kids to bouldering camp). As such, I have created something in your honor: the new sit-start to the Town Crier route at the Index Upper Town Wall. It's way sketchy (did I say committing?) and involves a finger-lock to a crimpy dime-edge followed by an explosive dyno to a standing position at which point the route is continued as normal. The rating is now 5.8+, C2, B2. I considered adding a bolt to protect this bold move, but I'll wait to see what the concensus dictates. So here's a toast to you, my sequence-miming boulder-soldiers! And another hearty sip to you "clip, dangle and rehearse masters of the 5.14"! Some of you may venture to the Upper Wall just to give it a try and who knows? maybe Green Dragon, Golden Arches and the other stale classics will be enriched by similar efforts by those who point the way to an impressive future. Allez!!! Dwayner.....been dddddddddrrrrrinkin' again!!

Anybody got a Big Lou-Haiku in them? Anybody? Go ahead! Give it a try! You can bet when I get one going here soon, I'll post it right here so keep checkin'! In the meantime, anybody got a Big Lou-Haiku in them? Dwayner P.S. Anybody seen my beer-bong?

Pope! Dude! From what I've been reading on this board, you crapped in your own sleeping bag during an expedition, and now you're buying crapped-in used gear. What's up with that? Actually, I'm not sure I wanna know! You want to score some cheap gear (as in free?) Here's a couple of tips from a pro: Go to anyplace where the Mountaineers have had one of their mass outings. Scrutinize the vicinity after they've picked up and left and you'll be amazed. 'biners, stoppers, and I've even scored a couple of cams. (You gotta give them back, though, if they come looking for them but I make them identify their size and any personal markings such as colored tape.) "Mounties Buttress" in Icicle Canyon (especially the lower part) is prime hunting territory.) Also, the South Face of the Tooth, another Mountaineers cluster magnet. Gripped gapers also leave gear while following routes that are way out of their league. The crux traverse pitch on Outer Space is a classic example. Lots of competent dudes leading the pitches but then trying to haul one of their weak-ass buddies up the route. They panic on the traverse and end up unclipping and leaving stuff. Monday morning is a good time to enjoy the route in uncrowded splendor and come back with more gear than you started. (You gotta give it back is someone's leaving notes and such for it.) Last time I climbed O.S., about a month ago, me and m'buddy climbed behind such a party. The belay-gaper left all kinds of stuff which we returned to him after every pitch; so much so that I began to refer to him as "Cam-Boy" by the time we got to the crack pitches. ("Hey Cam-Boy! You forget this one too!") He didn't seem to like that but too bad. He was so slow that we froze our butts off waiting for him at each belay! Mountain-wise: Three cheers to the North Face of Mt. Index, which is often festooned with bogus anchors from people getting lost on the descent. Why can't they just go back down the same circuitous way they came up instead of rigging some rappel that will take them no where other than to the utter pits of fear itself? Gear all over that dang peak! I have the feeling that most people who leave gear on Mt. Index won't want it back. And if you can track them down, maybe they'll sell you the rest of their stuff really cheap! Creepiest thing of this sort I ever saw was a tent melting out of the snow on Success Cleaver, Mt. Rainier. The tent was fully equipped with a stove, pack etc. and a sleeping bag laid out. It had at least spent the winter out or perhaps many years. Some dude must have gotten spooked and bolted! Yowsa! - Dwayner

Mr. Kassidy: Your description of the Muir tracks could indeed be evidence that the Great One was had passed through. With all of this news about people stranded on Liberty Ridge, you can almost bet Big Lou came to the rescue. Do you think he has his own chopper license? (And maybe his own chopper?) I bet you that with one hand on the controls, he could hover over the Ridge and if he couldn't grab these guys by the scruff of their necks and toss 'em in the back seat, he could probably snag all four with an ice axe and fly away to a parking lot. Or maybe he got dropped off, hooked all of them guys to his harness, and paraglided down to Ipsut Creek with his Super-Lou Paraglider!! Bartender? Would you bring me a couple more pitchers of whatever we've been drinking... Now everybody raise your glasses. You, too, Iambone. "To Big Lou!"

Iambone: Come here! Step over here for a second.... For your cultural education, young feller, one's pie-hole is where one put's one's pie, i.e. one's mouth. Another variation is "cake-hole". It's been around for some time. It sounds like one of those tough-guy expressions from the 1940's aimed at loud fat women, e.g. "Shut your pie-hole!" Seen the old "chicken bolts" up on Outer Space. There's a few up on Classic Crack in Icicle Canyon as well. I think ScottP could be right about the lack of big pins although it wouldn't necessarily have been on the first ascent. Some of those early boys were bolder than most of us and used wooden blocks and such. I always thought the ones on Classic Crack were because most people weren't jamming cracks back then, but were laybacking them (if they didn't want to use aid). Go forth and do bold things. - Dwayner

Pope! Dredereck! Excellent commentary on the bolt pimps and sport "climbers"! I saw what happened to Dan's Direct on Castle Rock so I suppose Snow Creek wall is next. Imabone: step inside for a second....remember what I said about your pie-hole? Rock on! - Dwayner

Hey Imabone. You must be a fellow solo climber because after reading some of your excretions above, I'm finding it increasingly hard to believe that anyone would climb with you. When you end your posts with a personally-directed wise-ass comments like above, you're perpetuating animosity with a potential stranger. You don't know who I am. I could be Tom Hornbein for all you know (by the way, I'm not) or someone else you'd feel embarassed popping off to. So watch the pie-hole, my friend, and if bags of doo start appearing on my porch, I know where they came from. Your xenophobic blaming of foreigners for messes in the mountains is naive. Yes, there are certain cultures in the world that have reputations for apparent ecological unconcern, but I'm sure the garbage I've seen in the Cascades didn't all originate from some "German or something" sounding folks. And the guys who steal climbing gear aren't secret agents from the former Soviet Union either. They're probably fellow climbers! So carry on, mister, get out of that gym, and enjoy your first trip to Leavenworth. (If I were you'd, I'd blow off that silly "Rock-fest", get up damn early in the morning and head up Snow Creek wall. You just might find it more satisfying than following a bunch of goofy-ass sketchpad-toting boulder-crimpers around the Icicle on the scheduled canyon tour!) Shalom, - Dwayner

Hey Kevin and Max! Check out what Iambone has to say above about pulling weeds. I think he makes a good point. I would elaborate on that by considering whether pulling weeds at all is appropriate. They are part of the natural flora, you know, and should we be pulling them just because they might be inconvenient to climbers? Haul out trash? No question. Weeds? Give it some thought, eh? Any other opinions out there on uprooting plants? Is the Icicle forest service land? If so, you might want to ask them what their policy about removing natural vegetation. good job, lads! - Dwayner

I'mabone! You're such an angry young man! It sure sounds like you make friends easily! Maybe that's why you're having loads of fun picking up trash from the base of the Captain rather than actually climbing it. Just a few comments: Just because climbing is commercialized doesn't mean I need to approve or otherwise endore that fact. I believe that there is such thing as overcommercialization such as inviting everyone over to a climbing area to sell your crap. Yes, I am a solo-climbing bad-ass. The mags, when I have looked at them, make me puke. Hypocrite? Because I own some gear? Read my comment above about commercialization. I'd be more of a hypocrite if I actually wasted my time climbing in a gym. I'm not keeping you or anyone else from having any fun. By the way, for someone who has never been to Leavenworth, you sure have a big opinion about the Icicle! Although I think the vast bulk of your message is bombastic folly, you make a good point about the weeds. I say, leave them be. P.S. I'mabone! Take a valium and relax.

Pope. You're one dirty bird. After reading several of your smart-ass nonsensical messages on this site, I think you've got a serious problem with women; you're very disrespectful to the female race. Donna sounds right-on to me (and no, I'm not interested in the little "vixen"). So quit making up the sordid stories and get real, because isn't that what life's all about? And Donna: I think responding to Pope only encourages him. He's obviously out to amuse his buddies. Hang tough, lady! - Dwayner P.S. Hey Pope! Got any pictures? She sounds HOT, HOT, HOT!!!!!!

Just what the Icicle needs, complete with a bouldering tour! And I used to complain about the Mountaineers showing up in multiple school buses! Can't wait to learn how to take my indoor "skills" outdoors and learn how to fall! But seriously folks, have a good time promoting your gear, shops and gyms but count me OUT from your shameless commercialization. I think Kevin's idea about spending some time caring for the Icicle instead of just USING it is a truly awesome idea. P.S. It ain't just the local teenagers leaving garbage at the crags! (The gri-gri squeezers in the gyms, for one, probably aren't taught their wilderness manners.)

Greetings, everybody! Is it just me, or are the rest of you folks starting to miss the snappy patter that once ensued within topics such as Big Lou, Jr.? Haven't seen much of it the last few days. Maybe everybody's out climbing! Anyway, that sort of banter sure makes it fun amidst the more serious stuff. And it's not really spray in my book. I guess if it's a separate topic, it shouldn't bother anyone. The title might suggest it's controversial or non-technical as oppossed to Mt. Rainier route conditions. Speaking of Mt. Rainier, anyone see any triple ski tracks up there near the guide's shelter at Camp Muir? Where are you, Big Lou, Jr.? - Dwayner