pope

I'll drink for Mallory first, then Hillary. Then, in case I'm wrong, I'll reverse the order. Then I'll slam one for Hornbein, the first American to contribute significantly to the evolution of Everest conquests. Then I'll have one for that joker Jim (F.A.C.M.E.) and his BIG little brother: in the words of a former Leavenworth Alpine Guide, "Never before has one been so celebrated for accomplishing so little." Then, and at this point I'm drinking the cheap stuff, I'll have one for Larry Nielson (F.A.C.M.E.W.O.--first American to climb Mount Everest without O2), and maybe even Sandy Pitman. [This message has been edited by pope (edited 05-29-2001).]

Donna confided that this extreme sports stuff is growing old, and that she'd like to branch out and do perfume ads or maybe host the X-games. What a shame. She's much smarter than that...has so many more dimensions (three). BTW, mentioning dimensions..... [This message has been edited by pope (edited 05-29-2001).]

Three tracks? Whatever are you talking about? I was up on the Muir Snowfield Saturday, and the only strange tracks I saw looked more like two very widely-spaced ski tracks with a sort of snow-board-sized track between them. Could this be what you're talking about? But as for three-track ski trails, negatory on that. I heard a rumor that Lou was hanging around the Whitaker Bunkhouse over the weekend, signing autographs and flirting with the young girls in his fan club.

Mike, I opened up Rock & Ice and my jaw dropped...for a moment, I thought Donna had sold out and picked up a sponsor. Listen, Mike: this girl they're calling "Patience", she could easily be Donna's twin sister, although Donna never talks about her family so I'm not sure she even has a sister. Donna was the kind of girl who, back when we had a thing, I'd send her into the bar, then tell her I'd left my wallet in the car. I'd come into the bar three minutes later and find that three or four guys had already purchased her drinks...which saved mucho on my bar tab.

1. Such action would tend to increase the number of girls in the mountains! 2. Bolts would increase traffic, and I heard the route's getting dirty. 3. It's trendy: just look at Castle Rock. 4. That 300-foot exit crack is difficult to protect. 5. With only quick-draws for a rack, the Mountaineers couldn't drop a #12 hex on your head. 6. With only quick-draws for a rack, "low-rent" climbers could afford to safely protect it and still have enough entitlement money left to purchase frozen dinners, pampers and cigarettes. 7. Shiny bolts would tend to reduce the route-finding difficulties. 8. It just isn't safe.... didn't somebody get hurt on it once? 9. Such action would increase the number of females in the mountains. 10. Did I mention more girls? [This message has been edited by jkassidy (edited 05-28-2001).]

Big three-day weekend, with a little rain in the mix, and suddenly, there must be 30 items in the yard sale. What's the matter, did you get wet? Did you get a blister? Did you get bit by a mosquito on your big, white ass? I personally purchased most of my alpine gear in the Paradise parking lot, from a bunch of yupsters who thought they might try climbing Mt. Rainier for their first big hill, guys who were more full of ambition than "getgo". I've got a gortex suit I purchased from one feller who just got his ass kicked by the mighty "R", and this designer suit still had the tags on it...of course, he crapped his pants when he punched ankle-deep into Pebble Creek and thought he'd found a crevasse. It was a hell of bargain if you don't mind the smell. Don't make no nevermind to me...I'm wearing it right now, even as I type.

Hey Imabone, So, you packed a bunch of shit away from the base of the Captain. What, may I ask, did you do with it? It's not altogether sanitary to keep that stuff up in your room, or whatever you do with it. Are your parents aware that this is going on in their home? Regarding knapweed: the Icicle is so full of that, and it's so damn hardy. I once hiked up to Sam Hill with another ecologically-minded friend of mine, who was ed-ju-muh-catn' me on the nature of the evil weed, and we pulled a bundle up near the road's shoulder. On the way to Sam Hill, we soon realized that this shit is everywhere, and that our best efforts to eliminate it might be in vain.

You guys ever climb down at Spire?

Climbing seven days with a girl? Dude, why punish yourself? Why subject yourself to that kind of danger? Isn't climbing hazardous enough without trusting a girl's belay? But seriously, I'm jealous. I got out for five days back in February, but these days I'm a little busier than I used to be. Have fun, be safe, take some photos (especially photos of that hotty!).

Mr. Slappy, I'm sorry it's so hard for you to believe that I run with a hotty like Donna. Some guys gotta fight so hard just for some love, but as for me, I think it's a breeze. Thanks for the advice...you're one of these serious types who thinks he's going to make it in the record books, who thinks he's pushing the envelope. Here's my question for you then: What are you doing typing on your lap-top on such a splendid day? I'll tell you what...you're spraying unsolicited advice all over this horseshit bulletin board in the fruitless attempt to be clever. Guess what: you're not clever. You want to be clever but you don't know how, so you question the entertainment value of my spray. Hey you big Tartuffe: get out and climb something. BTW, Donna's quite real and quite HOT! Just ask Hemlock.

Gee wiz, I didn't expect this enormous response. I'm a little overwhelmed. Let me tell you, I intended to solicit the opinions of experts and I am NOT disappointed. For those of you who thought this was a silly question, I hope that reading this post has changed your mind. Something as seemingly insignificant as clearance on your pick might be the difference between tagging the summit or calling Big Lou to your rescue. Also, for those who (as Donna is) are concerned about the "clearance of Pope's pick", let's just say it's so big, I've got to buy skis in threes. It's so big, it makes its own weather. It's so big, its sitting in three time zones. It's so big, it's a candidate for national park status. It's so big, it's got stairs and an elevator. It's so.... p.s. Eckenstein put the points up front.

Donna, you're a difficult girl to understand. All this talk about how the starfish isn't an acceptable interface port....I know you're still upset about how I behaved up on Liberty Bell. But be honest: you're the one who suggested that "Big Lou Jr" might be cuter with a chocolate chip on the end of it, and just how was I supposed to interpret that? As I recall, that starfish thing was completely your idea (something about effective birth control), and we were about to close the deal when I mentioned my marriage. Suddenly, you "weren't that kind of girl", and the whole bivouac went south. I don't understand any of this. I remember how you used entertain all of the guys in Mountain Rescue at their social functions. Hey, remember? You'd be sitting on everybody's lap, driving that old boyfriend of your's nuts, playing grab-apples with every married man in the joint. But you'll have nothing to do with me, ever since I told you about my wife....know what? I think you're jealous.

Donna, are you going to take this crap? Can you believe what this A-Pipe just said? Guess he never heard any of the Cirque Expedition stories, 'bout how Donna was "sending the sickness" day after day, in the worst conditions (iced-up, loose, polished rock with not a real crack system anywhere). Then, after an alpine start and after a taxing day on the sharp end of the rope, she'd return to camp and make sure nobdy got any sleep, if you know what I mean. With the train of climbers rolling through her tent each night, Donna became known as "the Alpine Express". I don't think Donna's mother would have been very proud of the way she made herself everybody's girlfriend. And by the way, Donna, tell your mother to stop calling me.

PLAYPEN is correct. But wrong, you're not the winner. DONNA, YOU ARE IN A FOUR-WAY tie (you seem to find your way into four-ways with alarming regularity). Hemlock, Forrest_M, Donna, and Jkassidy have each answered two questions correctly. And now for the shoot-out question (anybody can play, but if one of our big-four players answers correctly, the contest is over): On a training climb in Monument Valley, Ben and Jonathan discuss the history of the international team's other members. The Austrian, Andrel Meyer, is rumored to have killed a man once. Give the details of this rumor: the setting, the motive, the weapon.

Forrest_M: WINNER!! WINNNER!! WINNER!! WINNER!! WINNER!! Excellent work. I have enjoyed hosting this quiz, and I've got a splendid lobby card with your name on it. Leave me some kind of private message and I'll figure out how to deliver. If you're in Seattle, it might be just as easy for me to bring it by, instead of mailing it.

Mentioning Charlie... hey that guy keeps some fine company. I heard a rumor that he fraternizes with an E-BURG CLIMBER who is known to have revealed himself to Donna in an attempt to demonstrate who's the real Big Lou Jr. Also, I heard this guy ate a California Burrito that had been sitting in the car all day. According to the rumor, he had an attack of acid flatulence and explosive diarrhea before he could make it behind a J-Tree boulder. [This message has been edited by pope (edited 05-25-2001).]

Daniel, Thanks for the advice. I've read mountaineering manuals which discuss this topic, but I was curious if local climbers had any opinions. By the way, what convinced you that positive clearance is superior in every way?

This will be the final question, unless a tie remains. Question 10: Clement Pope, played by Gregory Walcott, is certainly a naughty man. In the Eiger Sanction movie, in his introductory scene, we see him in Jonathan's office, sitting in a chair with his feet resting on the top of Hemlock's desk. He is thumbing through a schmutzy magazine, and we get a glimpse of the magazine's title. What magazine is he reading?

Jon, I understood "clearance" to be the angle defined by the shaft and the chisel edge of the pick. Neutral clearance would be when these two "lines" are parallel. An example of negative clearance is when the chisel edge of the pick is perpendicular to the end of the pick (if you were to hold the shaft parallel to a table top, the upper corner of the chisel edge would contact the table, but the entire chisel edge of a "neutral" axe would contact the table face). Jon, the sprayers of cascadeclimbers.com would like to extend their gratitude for Thursday night's reconfiguration! I'll see if I can get Donna to deliver fellatio. [This message has been edited by pope (edited 05-25-2001).]

Hey Imabone, Quit picking on girls. If Donna wants to dazzle me with her opinions (and did I mention she's HOT?), what's the problem?

That sounds like a good solution, Pope. I was just looking at the distribution of posts on the Climbers' Wall, and I couldn't help noticing that the topics receiving the most action are "spray" topics, and a bolting discussion (see Bolt Mania, Big Lou, and Big Lou Jr). MAY WE CONCLUDE THAT THE MAJORITY OF THOSE WHO FREQUENT THIS SITE ARE INSPIRED TO CONTRIBUTE TO SUCH TOPICS? Why, then, should we move these out of the "Most Recent 25"? Pope is right: if the sprayers would be careful to keep the spray out of the route reports, then those who wish to avoid this sort of thing wouldn't have to swim through it to find "serious" information, and "spray" topics could still be viewed on the "top 25". Finally, let's remember: ALL BETA AND NO SPRAY MAKES BILLY A VERY DULL BOY.

Listen, I've never tried to discuss anything very serious before, but I'm about to purchase a new axe, and I thought I should solicit some expert opinions: SHOULD I GO WITH POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE CLEARANCE ON THE NEW ICE AXE? [This message has been edited by pope (edited 05-24-2001).]

What we have is this: a three-way tie between Forrest_M, Hemlock, and Jkassidy, with two correct answers each. Chriss and Bronco each answered one question. The problem is this: we've had eight questions (I screwed up the numbering back on question 5), and so there are only two questions remaining. Question 9: You need to identify the character responsible for each of the following quotes! 1. "Well, I got you a gun. It's a C2 special with no serial numbers. It's in the candy box. Now, what's this about wasting me? I think it's only fair to warn you in advance that I'm a black belt. Ka-ra-te... GEEE HAAA!" 2. "I have never been in better shape. Just ask Anna. Every night for six months I performed two hours of difficult exercise before bed." 3. "Don't worry, Jemima. There's plenty of eligible men around here." 4. "Sure he knows what he's doing, just like when he worked for the Nazzis in WWII. Oh, you didn't know that, did you? Your wrapped-up-in-red-white-and-blue Mr. Dragon is a God damned Hessian, that's what he is, and he'd sell out our side just as fast as he sold out their side, and he'd sell out his own mother if the bloodless freak had one." 5. "Bastard hit his brakes" (hint: these are his only lines in the movie). 6. "What do suggest, Herr Doctor, Professor Hemlock? Huh? That we climb halfway up?" [This message has been edited by pope (edited 05-24-2001).] [This message has been edited by pope (edited 05-24-2001).]

Tom Lick-Us...yeah, I'm a 101 graduate; after that, I was swingin' two chicks on my arm. Then I met Donna, and I'm pretty sure even Lick-Us would be under her thumb. BTW, I heard Tom's got a face made for radio.

But she's HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!