This morning, I went into the pantry to get some sugar for my coffee and there is a snake wound around the sugar cannister. It was a pet corn snake that escaped one year ago around this time of year. It was trying to join its fellows whos cases we keep in the pantry. I think it must be the mating season and he was trying to get to the female.

Okay, for the second strange occurrence, I was running on Queen Anne Hill. I just finished topping out on a big hill and was all out of breath. I look across the street and I see this black dude walking along wearing a top hat and smoking jacket. He has this huge gap toothed smile on his face that reminded me of Bob Marley.

No, I haven't been into the

I find it oddest of all that you keep snakes in the pantry amigo.

Well, where do you keep your snakes? Doesn't everyone keep them in the pantry?

I just spent a couple minutes watching my cat hunt and kill a mouse. Watched in the binocs. Right before she lept on the mouse, she was drooling uncontrollably. Where's Marlin Perkins when you need him?

The last time one of my wife's snakes escaped it was gone for about six months. We were eating supper one evening and I happened to look at the bird cage behind me. There was a snake in the cage with the finches. It had just finished eating a nestful of chicks. It was now too large to exit the cage and was effectively trapped. Back in his case he went. Too bad about the chicks though, it was the first time the society finches had bred successfully.

I used to have a fucking bird. I'd let it out to fly around and crap on my friends heads and shit. One night I was drunk and forgot to put it back in it's cage for the evening. Next morning there were feathers everywhere and the fucker's head was in my tennis shoe. Cat had that shit-eatin grin on it's mug. hehehe

I have a Goffin Cockatoo at home. The cats know enough to leave the that bird alone. He has a bite that could severe a paw.

One time in one day I saw a crippled lady in a motorized wheelchair giving a guy a ride down the street, and I saw this fucking enormous fat guy vomiting all over and around this bench at a bus stop I mean it was coming out of him like that guy in CKY4 that drank all the peppermint Schnapps. Gnarly.

Was watching Jerry Springer one night and he had this fat chick on that let some wank puke all over her head. She supposedly had an orgasm.

Mybe your snakes is the turd that Trashk will push into your hole, homo. You both sre shittheads today, with this fucking crap junk you saye abvoput this stuvid snak shit, and pukmning. Fucnking stuxcvid.

Go take some Haldolol. You need it. You have a fecal fixation.

You would want to give me a hnd jobn?? So, this date rape drug you want to give me, Haldolol, does this make you a fagot??

You the fuciknin trad, you retrad, moeron!!!!!

Fuckin' Canadians. They're the cause of most of it.

Snakes get respiratory diseases, you know that? Kills 'em deader than a doornail. You see a snake sneeze, man it's a goner, dead in minutes.

Brown University doesn't have a chemistry dept. Dan Whoitt went to Brown, lying twerp. Weirdo. Only weirdos go to Brown. My h.s. steady g/f went to Brown. Bitch. Hope a snake sneezed on her. No, wait, that dint come out right.

Halperodol reminds be of baratol, that's compound B what blew up the plutonium in the bomb that blew up Nagasaki. So you see, sneezing snakes sell the drugs that blow up whole cities.

man it's hot in here

Was walking back to my car with a co-worker, and he said, "be careful parking in this lot, everyone gets broken into here eventually."

Walk into the lot to find my driver's side window in a pile of small bits, seems the stereo decided to make a break for it.

Good thing they use safety glass for car windows, I'd hate to see how cut up I'd be if they'd used the unsafe kind.

CBS, I have to agree - it has been an odd one. Mostly bad luck for me, but some equally extreme luck, too...

7:30 AM:Woke up to go rototill some rough land in the islands, had coffee, went out to load the Deere, and the battery was dead - Charge/later ferry.

9AM: battery charged, tiller/tractor loaded, head south to the island. I get almost through Bellingham, and see SP just ahead, look at my speed: 75 in a 60! - he pulls the truck in front of me over-

9:12AM: 10 miles south, tank #1 starts sputtering - out of gas - no worrys! Switch to tank 2! Always keep at least 1/4 tank for emergencies...sputter, sputter, WTF??
Roll to the side of the freeway.

Some kids had siphoned off the aux tank (no lock!)
I'm starting to get really burned....
Wait! Got the 5-gallon fuel container for the tractor!

9:20 AM: Dump the fuel in the aux tank, and pump, turn over, pump, (repeat 5X), shit! battery going lower..
(another @#$% battery issue! )
Remember that switch between tanks is faulty, and wiggle desperately, until the tank finally shows the gas - low battery now, gotta be careful...Remember that gas in the carb helps, so I turn to look in the mirror (almost just jumping out), and 1/2 of a double wide whips by me at 55, less than 16" from my mirror! Holy F%&@*!

9:30 AM: WAY later ferry: Priming the card, I spill a bit of gas and it vaporizes on the hot engine as I jump back, expecting an explosion - jump in the cab just as the 2nd half of the double wide screams by . Engine starts on nearly dead battery

10:30AM: gassed, waiting for ferry to depart, ferry staff informs me that no gas cans are allowed on the ferry, and takes now full 5 gallon container..
Can't remember how much gas is in the tractor tank

11:00 AM: Arrive on site 2 hours late,unload, hook up tiller, hope there is gas...

12:00 PM: start tilling, till for 1/2 hour and the pins on the tiller shear from the drive line.

Disassemble, load, get in the ferry line for an hour...

1:30 PM,pick up gas can, head the fuck home, and this day...

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Shit"