suge Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 Trip: Demonslayer Peak (FA) - Certain Death Route, 5.14b XXX Date: 6/16/2007 Trip Report: "Climb to glory!" shouted The Great Destroyer. In an effort to quell the weather gods, we had decided to take out the last unclimbed peak in the Alpine Lakes Wilderness, Demonslayer Peak, located in a remote, never travelled corner of said wilderness. There is an old legend associated with the peak, which I shall now recount in as few words as possible. There was a beautiful and chaste princess that lived in a verdant glen at the base of the peak. One day, a trapper from Canadia arrived and the princess fell in love with him. After fornicating for six days and nights, the trapper left under cover of darkness, slinking away to slake his desire for poutine and Molson back in his homeland. When the princess discovered him gone in the morning, she became so mad that she turned herself into a demon and invoked a curse that there never be good weather on weekends in June until a Canadian had been sacrificed on top of the peak. The peak has turned back many of the best climbers seeking to exorcise the demon and the curse. Beckey was turned back in 1956 by a furious onslaught from the princess-demon. Most recently, Haley and House were smitten by a Category 5 storm and forced instead onto the Emperor Face of Robson. Thus, I assembled a crack team of international climbers to finally remove the curse so that future generations of climbers might be able to have some fun in June. The Great Destroyer (left) and El Conquistador (right) Vancouver Bob (who just so happens to be from Canada) The demon-princess was sleeping as we approached up the arduous route leading to the South Face (ie. Certain Death Route) of the mountain, but when we reached the pass looking onto the glen where she once lived, she sensed our presence and sent a squall to dissuade us from climbing. "Don storm armor!" shouted the Great Destroyer. El Conquistador led the twelve overhanging ice pitches required to reach the base of the DogFang Spires, which sit at the base of the route. Knowing that we couldn't give up, for one might like to climb in June someday, we forged ahead toward the spires, which are behind and to the right of the prominent tooth in the center-right of the below photo. Not finding a name on the map for the tooth, we named it Fluffy Bunny Flower. Having reached the base of the DogFang Spires, we geared up in a high wind and I led out on the first of the 18 pitches rock pitches, the easiest of which runs 5.14b. The hardest is also 5.14b. As it was cold and I wanted to make it back to Cle Elum to get loaded, I placed no protection on the route. Our party of four topped out and were amazed at the amazing views to be had. However, a sustained 60 mph wind was blowing and we stopped only long enough to snap a photo so that our feat of mountaineering would be believed by others. Most unfortunately, we forgot to sacrifice Vancouver Bob. After down climbing the rock pitches, we remembered what we had forgotten, but were too spent to return to the summit. However, we found a party of four had had the same plans we did and were waiting to ascend the route. They had brought along a special wooden tool (seen in the below climbers hands) with which to sacrifice a Canadian, but had curiously forgotten to bring a Canadian with them. I do not know if they survived their ascent. Although we had conquered the peak, our forgetfulness means that awful weather on weekends in June will continue for the forseeable future. My apologies to all. ----------------------- Post Script. ----------------------- Ok, so we really tried to climb Ingalls Peak via the South Face in the middle of a storm. We bailed at the base due to wind, snow, and a lot of cold. That seemed like a rather boring story to me, hence the above farce, which I hope no one takes at all seriously. The actual events can be found at http://www.pierce.ctc.edu/faculty/cwillett/local/ingalls/index.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spotly Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 You guys are gnarly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weekend_Climberz Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 You guys should take climbing more seriously, all that fun you were having is not acceptable :lmao: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanl Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Thanks for the humor- an out-loud solo chuckle earns as many points in my book as gnarly ascents and beautiful pics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Good stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magellan Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Best TR in months! Thanks for the laughs!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skitchmo Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Sends shivers through mine spine... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Way,way funny, thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat_Roslyn Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 core. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billygoat Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa_D Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 (edited) and good times were had by all! Edited June 20, 2007 by Lisa_D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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